TylerNantt

Apples

Have you ever wondered, say if you ate an apple, if germs were infecting you? And not the good germs, but the evil ones, like the ones that live inside of cows and other animals that have a bad smell. Well if you eat theses so called "Apples" you should know that they are not really apples but alien spores, from the evil space aliens who have been using them for years to make you sick. Remember Ben Franklin's famous line "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" well he was really an alien trying to franchise the alien poison. It doesn't really matter though, the aliens are so stupid the poisons might be lethal to them but it merely gives me a mild stomachache. And that is why we must devise a system so we know when the doctors are actually aliens because that is what is ruining this country. Not psychos with guns, besides guns don't kill people; people who use guns for their intended deadly purpose kill people. But did you know it is against a federal law to use any manufactured product for something other than its intended purpose. Like say you use chemical cleaners to make bombs to blow up democrats, you can actually get in trouble for that. Our society is so crazy, I mean really I heard of people who can't write with a purpose but instead just write immediately whatever comes to their mind. Shoot anyone who can do that and still be entertaining must be some sort of a genius. But back to my subject, I have decided that the media is just here to brain wash us. You always see people on TV putting milk in their cereal then eating it and acting like its good. Well one morning I accidentally out orange juice into my cereal and you know what it actually tasted good. It just goes to show, if we all wanted some sauerkraut, very few of us would get it.

Oranges

Oranges are just made by the aliens to provide a different way of getting sick. If you don't like apples you can eat oranges. It all balances out. Juicy fruit has got to be the best thing to eat with cookies. I have come to hope that flash fiction doesn't involve actual story lines cuz I like to write straight from my head then edit it later. You know what a good story would be, a story where the US, no scratch that the human race is the enemy, and you see it from the aliens point of view. It would be a total reversion of what we normally see and we could have the humans be like the space invader people who have really advanced technology in comparison to my praying mantis like good guys. You know what would make good suicide agents. Homosexual males, the people whom everyone else ostracizes because of their differences. They have so much pent up aggression that I think they would be willing to become your zealots as long as you acted like you cared about them and stuck them with others just like them. You can't use homosexual females though since everyone likes them. I think I will make a radar jammer so that cops can't pull me over. I mean a fuzz buster will tell you when they are watching you, but a radar jammer would just give them random numbers, so that when I go 35 in a 25 it looks like I am going 90 or so. Everyone should stop killing each other. The reason for this is that any God anyone has ever had always states "thou shalt not kill". If so then why do we keep killing each other for our religion? Today my secretary told me I looked cute. His name is Bob, its gonna be a bad day. I woke up and my smoke alarm was going off, must be to much smoke in the house, its gonna be a bad day. My dad told me that if I ever start a fire I can just say I saw it get started. I like the my dad the firechief.

Tyler Nantt's Propaganda

And then as I, the brave (insert enemies name here), threw my scorching coffee at the evil, sinister, sadistic, terrorist person who then screamed "NOOO" in one of those really long and drawn out and unrealistic sounding screams that you hear in the movies. No wait a second, there were two terrorists and I had to hit the other one with my coffee so that he wouldn't kill all the poor hostages he had knocked out with his massive strength. But anyway that was how I killed the three terrorists who tried to kill the busload of people, and got my neato tattoos, for you see after I saved the mayor's personal bus from getting blown up by the terrorists a bunch of friendly biker dudes took me to this totally tubular bar, where they gave me a drink, then another, and another, and another. This went on for sometime but it all got kind of fuzzy after we figured out you can't get potatoes through a ketchup press. When I awoke completely hairless that morning, I gound out that my buddies had given me tattoos, one on my arm that says, "Heroes come with in small packages" I think the tattoo guy doesn't really like me cuz it isn't fixed very well, and then one on my leg which says, "Size really doesn't matter"…