Comm 313: leads, concise writing

COMM 313, Editorial Processes
Instructor: Ross Collins

Leads, quotes, concise writing

Leads
Most important to good mass media writing is a strong beginning, or "lead." People have so much to read; why should they read your story? A compellling lead will help.

The Collins SAVE formula (SAVE your readers from boring leads) perhaps can help: Specific; Accurate; Voice (active); Energetic verbs.

Be specific; instead of "The Cass County Commission met today," try, "The Cass County Commission today raised taxes 10 percent."

Accuracy means credibility, and that's essential to non-fiction writing for mass media.Waffle if you need to: the building cost 30 percent more than anticipated. Or was it 35 percent? Write: "The building cost about one third more than anticipated."

Voice. The commission lead above is in active voice. The same lead in passive voice: "Taxes were raised 10 percent today by the Cass County Commission." Favor active.

Energetic verbs. Forms of the verb "to be" are boring, as are verbs such as met, discussed, etc. Try to think of something more sprightly.

Quotes
Three kinds of attributions mass media writers normally use:

1. Direct quote: "It will be a damned nice day tomorrow," said meteorologist Irving Nern.

2. Partial quote: Meteorologist Irving Nern told city officials it would be a "damned nice" day tomorrow.

3. Paraphrase: Meteorologist Irving Nern said tomorrow would be sunny and warm.

Editors cannot ethically change words of a direct quote, except for grammar and taste. They also cannot put quote marks around paraphrases.

Concise writing
Take care to include all parts of an attribution, identifying the person speaking by first name, last name, and some sort of identification to establish credentials, such as in the meteorologist example above.

A few common phrases that could be improved to make copy more interesting and readable (Stephen Wilbers):

1. Use simple words. ("It is pointless to attempt to edify an elderly canine with novel maneuvers"="You can't teach an old dog new tricks.")

2. Be direct. ("In the unlikely eventuality that you encounter various and sundry difficulties with the above-referenced project, apprise me of the situation at your convenience"="Let me know if you have any problems.")

3. Eliminate redundancy. ("In reviewing the notes of his lecture, he referred back to what he had written before class"="He reviewed his lecture notes.")

4. Revise "There is/are," "It is" and "What" beginnings. ("There are four employees who have filed grievances"="Four employees have filed grievances." "It is our suspicion that the basement was substandard"="We suspect the basement was substandard." "What we need to do next is simplify our sign-off procedure"="Next, we need to simplify our sign-off procedure.")

5. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations ("Make a revision of this sentence"="Revise this sentence.")

6. Prefer the affirmative to the negative. ("Do not stand in this line unless you have a reservation"="This line is for those with reservations.")